The Googly

Why I don't like... Two Test Series

There's little that can gladden the hearts of followers of the greatest game than to read of a renaissance in West Indian Test cricket. Alas the Queen's Park Oval appeared to be populated with more dancing girls than cricket fans, but that did not stop Ramneresh Sarwan, supported by Shiv Chanderpaul and others reaching their target of 254 to level the Sri Lankan series 1-1. I looked forward avidly to the showdown next week where the spoils would be decided and (possibly) a new dawn at last hailed.

But no. In their infinite wisdom, the ICC's Future Tours programme saw fit to truncate this "series" to two Tests, and so deny us (and the Windies' worldwide followers) the chance to see a positive result. Shame on them.

And in case you think this is a one-off and see the malign hand of the IPL in play, here are some upcoming two / four Test series: Australia in West Indies (four Tests, April 2008); South Africa in England (four Tests, July 2008); Australia in India (four Tests, October 2008); New Zealand in Australia (two Tests, November 2008). I'm afraid there's plenty more such coitus interuptus to come.

[The Tooting Trumpet]   

New Zealand vs England - Series Player Ratings: New Zealand

Okay, it wasn't the best cricket we've ever seen, but it was competitive and unpredictable and, at the end (as our picture shows) poignant. The Trumpet awards the series an 8, but cross the jump for the New Zealand player ratings.

Jamie How 6 - A vital 92 on the first day of the series set up the Kiwis' extraordinary demolition of England in the First Test. Thereafter looked slightly out of his depth.

Matthew Bell 3 - Scores heavily in the domestic game, but seems paralysed by nerves in the international spotlight. Should sign up to a TV dance competition immediately.

Stephen Fleming 7 - Looks fantastic, a God amongst mortals, but still the match-turning knocks elude him. For a man unfulfilled as a batsman, it is deeply depressing to hear of his retirement at 34. He should speak to Graham Gooch.

Matthew Sinclair 1 - Not good enough.

Ross Taylor 8 - Made a dazzling 120 to set up the win in Hamilton, thereafter dazzled intermittently. Easy to forget that he has played just five Tests. If Vettori's bowling deteriorates further, expect whispers of captaincy.

Jacob Oram 6 - A batting all-rounder who played as a bowler who bats. Still doesn't convince at Test level - more of a Lancashire League pro playing a bit above his comfort level.

Brendon McCullum 5 - Gilchrist-lite. Slightly too pleased with himself, poor shot selection was his undoing too often. Keeping was showy rather than safe.

Daniel Vettori 6 - A bowling all rounder who played as a batsman who bowls. Captained beautifully at Hamilton, but was less convincing in the two defeats. His lack of penetration with the ball must be worrying him.

Kyle Mills 7 - Honest trier whose decapitation of the England order in the second innings at Hamilton sealed the win.

Jeetan Patel 7 - Outbowled his captain and brought energy and commitment to the field.

Chris Martin 6 - Took wickets regularly, but never looked like a running through a side. Too one-dimensional to trouble international batsmen. Showed real guts to allow Southee's cameo after a clout on the head.

Tim Southee 8 - Bowled a superb opening spell at Napier, then played an Astlesque innings when the game was up. Beautiful action, tremendous hand-eye coordination, wonderful temperament, big, strong boy - what more can one ask of a teenage cricketer?

Mark Gillespie and Grant Elliot 1 - Not Test cricketers on this evidence.

[The Tooting Trumpet] [Image: Getty]

 

Cricket Snapshot: Diving around in a park

Todd "No Relation to Nathan" Astle of Canterbury, dives to prevent a boundary in the NZ State Championship match vs Auckland.  Where can I get one of those natty hats?

Sir Richard Hadlee shows that not only Jacob Oram can frighten the life out of England batsmen

Video: Remember what happened last time England had a weak attack against New Zealand?

This happened, that's what.  Nathan Astle tonked 222, the fastest double hundred in Test history.

New Zealand vs England in a park

The Trumpet is of the opinion that the best places to watch cricket are its citadels (Lord's, Eden Gardens, Newlands, the MCG) or its quaint outgrounds (Southport, with the trains chugging past at midwicket, Colwyn Bay, Horsham).

New Zealand is possibly unique in playing international cricket at quaint "outgrounds". One such is Seddon Park, venue for the First Test vs England. Named after New Zealand's nineteenth century Prime Minister, Richard Seddon (who, incredibly, rejoiced in the Animalhousean nickname "King Dick"), the ground is indeed a park, with picnickers likely to stroll behind the bowler's arm pursuing an errant hard boiled egg.

Park it may be, but it is a cricket ground and not a rugby ground, so we can expect a bit of life in the pitch and gully in the usual spot, not leaning on the boundary board. If England have anyone fit to bowl, we should be in for a treat.

[The Tooting Trumpet] [Image: Getty}

The ICC Under-19 World Cup Update Four

That rather nervous young man, who looks just a little like Glenn McGrath, is New Zealand's Tim Southee. Just turned 19, he is a precocious talent whom New Zealand must be tempted to throw into the Test arena after his successful international bow in the T20 games vs England.

Even he wasn't able to carry New Zealand into the Final of the Under-19 World Cup, as India Duckworth-Lewised their way past the boys from the Land of the Long White Cloud to book their place for Sunday. They'll wait for the winners of the semi-final between The Trumpet's favourites, Pakistan and the Parnell-led Saffers. We'll keep you in the loop at The Googly over the weekend.

Elsewhere in Malaysia, England's boys play-off for fifth place on Saturday. That wouldn't usually matter, except that the opponents are, you've guessed it, Australia.

[The Tooting Trumpet] [Image: Getty]

England vs New Zealand Fifth ODI - The Key Moment

At some point, an England think-tank must have been convened to discuss powerplay cricket. Knowing that the only overs guaranteed to be powerplay overs are the first ten, no doubt the top order and the opening bowlers were subjects of some import.

So how do England end up so frequently with Cook and Bell at the crease looking like Dads at a rave, so ill-suited are they to the strokes powerplay cricket rewards? Then, come England's turn to bowl, Jimmy's inability to deliver any kind of consistent line and length and Broad's inability to react to batsmen looking to hit boundaries are exposed over and over again by high class players and Jesse Ryder (right).

The key moment of the Fifth ODI was the planning meeting which led to England's powerplay strategy - it's hard to over-emphasise just how big a contrast there was last night between England's batting and bowling in the powerplays compared to that outside the powerplays. Much food for thought for Colly and his two wicketkeeper coaches.

[The Tooting Trumpet] [Image: Getty]

England vs New Zealand Fourth ODI - The Key Moment

680 runs in a day, strokes aplenty, even cricket's rarest result (the tie) bundled together in what David Lloyd would describe as "all the fun of the fair" - what's not to like? Not much to be honest, but dig a little deeper and an awkward truth emerges once more.

When Brendon McCullum dropped the dolliest of catches off Alastair Cook, everyone knew that it was a key moment - unfortunately, it was the key moment from New Zealand's perspective. On a splendid pitch (why can't they all be like that - it's 2008 FFS) with short boundaries, batsmen had everything in their favour. Of the eleven batsmen who faced ten balls or more, eight had a strike rate over 100, with just a limping McCullum at 89 and Vettori at 93 not managing a run a ball. Oh, and Alastair Cook, who made a decent score (69) but at a pedestrian rate (78).

Okay it's not his role to blast away, but I am unconvinced that Cook has any role in ODI cricket as played in the age of T20. Had McCullum held on to the sitter, one presumes Dimi would have had a go towards the end and I suspect he would have scored at a bit over 78 - and thus secured the win.

[The Tooting Trumpet] [Image: Getty]

England vs New Zealand Third ODI - The Key Moment

New Zealand set a good target on a pitch which offered support to disciplined bowling. England were progressing nicely until (surprise, surprise) Bell was dismissed when well set and KP was given out LBW to a straight one as he continues to look like Hayden (2005). The game was poised with England four down and requiring 80 runs from 14 overs.

As recently as the home ODI series vs West Indies in 2007 (lost 1-2), that would have placed England two balls away from Liam Plunkett - enough to make any batsman circumspect. But this England XI still had the power of Dimi and Wright in the hutch backed up by the growing maturity of Broad. Colly decided to stay on the offensive. 12 overs later, he had 70 from 50 balls and England were back in the series.

Dimi, Wright and Broad had batted well without ever getting to the crease. Funny old game.

[The Tooting Trumpet] [Image: Getty]

Cricket Snapshot: Diving around in a park

Todd "No Relation to Nathan" Astle of Canterbury, dives to prevent a boundary in the NZ State Championship match vs Auckland.  Where can I get one of those natty hats?

Sir Richard Hadlee shows that not only Jacob Oram can frighten the life out of England batsmen

Video: Remember what happened last time England had a weak attack against New Zealand?

This happened, that's what.  Nathan Astle tonked 222, the fastest double hundred in Test history.

New Zealand vs England in a park

The Trumpet is of the opinion that the best places to watch cricket are its citadels (Lord's, Eden Gardens, Newlands, the MCG) or its quaint outgrounds (Southport, with the trains chugging past at midwicket, Colwyn Bay, Horsham).

New Zealand is possibly unique in playing international cricket at quaint "outgrounds". One such is Seddon Park, venue for the First Test vs England. Named after New Zealand's nineteenth century Prime Minister, Richard Seddon (who, incredibly, rejoiced in the Animalhousean nickname "King Dick"), the ground is indeed a park, with picnickers likely to stroll behind the bowler's arm pursuing an errant hard boiled egg.

Park it may be, but it is a cricket ground and not a rugby ground, so we can expect a bit of life in the pitch and gully in the usual spot, not leaning on the boundary board. If England have anyone fit to bowl, we should be in for a treat.

[The Tooting Trumpet] [Image: Getty}

The ICC Under-19 World Cup Update Four

That rather nervous young man, who looks just a little like Glenn McGrath, is New Zealand's Tim Southee. Just turned 19, he is a precocious talent whom New Zealand must be tempted to throw into the Test arena after his successful international bow in the T20 games vs England.

Even he wasn't able to carry New Zealand into the Final of the Under-19 World Cup, as India Duckworth-Lewised their way past the boys from the Land of the Long White Cloud to book their place for Sunday. They'll wait for the winners of the semi-final between The Trumpet's favourites, Pakistan and the Parnell-led Saffers. We'll keep you in the loop at The Googly over the weekend.

Elsewhere in Malaysia, England's boys play-off for fifth place on Saturday. That wouldn't usually matter, except that the opponents are, you've guessed it, Australia.

[The Tooting Trumpet] [Image: Getty]

England vs New Zealand Fifth ODI - The Key Moment

At some point, an England think-tank must have been convened to discuss powerplay cricket. Knowing that the only overs guaranteed to be powerplay overs are the first ten, no doubt the top order and the opening bowlers were subjects of some import.

So how do England end up so frequently with Cook and Bell at the crease looking like Dads at a rave, so ill-suited are they to the strokes powerplay cricket rewards? Then, come England's turn to bowl, Jimmy's inability to deliver any kind of consistent line and length and Broad's inability to react to batsmen looking to hit boundaries are exposed over and over again by high class players and Jesse Ryder (right).

The key moment of the Fifth ODI was the planning meeting which led to England's powerplay strategy - it's hard to over-emphasise just how big a contrast there was last night between England's batting and bowling in the powerplays compared to that outside the powerplays. Much food for thought for Colly and his two wicketkeeper coaches.

[The Tooting Trumpet] [Image: Getty]

England vs New Zealand Fourth ODI - The Key Moment

680 runs in a day, strokes aplenty, even cricket's rarest result (the tie) bundled together in what David Lloyd would describe as "all the fun of the fair" - what's not to like? Not much to be honest, but dig a little deeper and an awkward truth emerges once more.

When Brendon McCullum dropped the dolliest of catches off Alastair Cook, everyone knew that it was a key moment - unfortunately, it was the key moment from New Zealand's perspective. On a splendid pitch (why can't they all be like that - it's 2008 FFS) with short boundaries, batsmen had everything in their favour. Of the eleven batsmen who faced ten balls or more, eight had a strike rate over 100, with just a limping McCullum at 89 and Vettori at 93 not managing a run a ball. Oh, and Alastair Cook, who made a decent score (69) but at a pedestrian rate (78).

Okay it's not his role to blast away, but I am unconvinced that Cook has any role in ODI cricket as played in the age of T20. Had McCullum held on to the sitter, one presumes Dimi would have had a go towards the end and I suspect he would have scored at a bit over 78 - and thus secured the win.

[The Tooting Trumpet] [Image: Getty]

England vs New Zealand Third ODI - The Key Moment

New Zealand set a good target on a pitch which offered support to disciplined bowling. England were progressing nicely until (surprise, surprise) Bell was dismissed when well set and KP was given out LBW to a straight one as he continues to look like Hayden (2005). The game was poised with England four down and requiring 80 runs from 14 overs.

As recently as the home ODI series vs West Indies in 2007 (lost 1-2), that would have placed England two balls away from Liam Plunkett - enough to make any batsman circumspect. But this England XI still had the power of Dimi and Wright in the hutch backed up by the growing maturity of Broad. Colly decided to stay on the offensive. 12 overs later, he had 70 from 50 balls and England were back in the series.

Dimi, Wright and Broad had batted well without ever getting to the crease. Funny old game.

[The Tooting Trumpet] [Image: Getty]

Stephen Fleming dishes it out to Shane Warne

Supercool Stephen has today announced that he will retire at the end of the England series.  Here he is at his best with Craig McMillan in 2001-02, clobbering Warney all over the shop.

England vs New Zealand Second ODI - The Key Moment

The key moment in the Second ODI was obviously when, as forecasted, the shower turned up in Hamilton.

They proceeded to win the toss, engineer a strong position before the rain break then fell apart (again). England are not as good as we thought they were after the T20 victories - and the boys pictured on the right are much, much better.

England need to win the last three ODIs to secure the series - more realistically, they need to make 200 to secure credibility.

[The Tooting Trumpet] {Image: Getty]

England vs New Zealand First ODI - The Key Moment

So you're a member of the England team management and you sit down to decide what team to play at Wellington's Westpac Stadium in the First ODI. You're feeling jaunty because you've just seen England win two T20 matches, one by 50 runs, the other by 32 runs. You look at recent matches at the Westpac and you see opposition scores of 148 (Australia 2007), 207 (West Indies 2006), and 203 (Sri Lanka 2006). You surmise that it won't be easy to score runs and that the batsmen will have to seize the initiative early on and make New Zealand believe the T20 hammerings never stopped.

So what do you do? You drop England's two fastest scoring charging power-hitters (Luke Wright and Dimi Mascarenhas) and pack the side with nudgers and nurdlers who like to stand in the crease and score square of the wicket (Mustard, Cook, Bell, Shah, Bopara). With no pace to work with, England's top order are emasculated, England are 34-1 after 10 overs and 60-3 after 20 overs, the powerplays are gone and New Zealand had assumed a control they would never relinquish.

So, even in the short form of the game, the key moment happened off the field. England decided on the wrong team and the game was lost. Unlike some cricket nations, England do not possess the wit nor the talent to correct such errors on the field and paid a full price.

[The Tooting Trumpet] [Image: Getty]   

New Zealand vs England Second Twenty20 International - The Key Moment

New Zealand is a much weakened team without their captain, best batsman and best bowler, but they still need to be put away and England gave the Kiwis a right shoeing in a polished display.

After an excellent start (I'll say that again, an excellent start - 70 runs in total from your openers is worth a lot more than it sounds when it comes off 43 balls), England suffered a traditional collapse losing four wickets in 15 balls. The Trumpet sat back expecting England to consolidate by pushing singles with a view to scoring at 4-5 runs per over before a late slog. But no - the next four overs brought 7, 5, 13 and 12 runs as Shah and Colly stayed on the attack and maintained a strike rate of almost 10 per over. The game's key moment had passed and England were in the box seat.

Why were England able to keep attacking? The Trumpet puts it down to a late middle order comprising Dimi, Swanny and Broad - two all-rounders and a bowler who bats. That cushion assured Colly that another wicket would not spell disaster so the run rate could be maintained. Such is the value of late order batting, even if they don't get to the crease. Ah, but the bowling suffers, I hear the naysayers cry. It does, but when a captain can bring to bear second innings scoreboard pressure, the batsmen get themselves out. Let's keep the formula for the ODIs.

[The Tooting Trumpet] [Image: Getty]

New Zealand vs England Twenty20 International - The Key Moment

New Zealand's depth of cricketing talent is not great which has always obliged players to make the most of their abilities individually and collectively. One sees this in players like Daniel Vettori, who has become a handy batsman, and Mark Richardson who famously levitated through the order from 11 to 1.

So it was with some amazement that the Trumpet scanned New Zealand's T20 batting order looking for just about the most dangerous hitter in world cricket. Jacob Oram's International T20 career already boasts a batting average of nearly 50 at a strike rate of 164. But there he was, listed at 7, and made to wait for five wickets to go down before arriving at the crease in the ninth over.

It's almost a generation since Australia promoted Mark Waugh to open in ODIs because he had the best strike rate and opening gave him the chance to face the most deliveries. The usually canny Kiwis missed a trick in batting Oram at 7. So often a match's key moment happens off the field - here's proof again.

[The Totting Trumpet] [Image: Getty]

Cook scores a ton; Pietersen still looks like he's batting with a stick of celery

Alastair Cook decided that he would finally grasp what is required of a modern one-day opener to help England to a seven wicket victory over Canterbury today in their final warm-up match before they take on the frustratingly Shane Bond-less New Zealand.  Ali clobbered his 138 off a mere 140 balls, including two sixes and 20 fours. 

On the down side, KP scored 10, to take his run total in the past few matches to, well, a shit-load less than is usual where he is concerned.  Collingwood was again the leading light with the ball, returning figures of 5-1-15-3 and also wanging a brisk 40 with the bat.  All we need now is for the actual bowlers to take some wickets and you never know, we may win.  But then again... 
[Image: Getty]

Shane Bond vs New Zealand Cricket & ICC: the trade union pipes up

Comrades! The New Zealand Cricket Players Association (NZCPA) agree with The Googly about the current situation with a certain SE Bond.  But, they have gone one stage further and accused New Zealand Cricket of sucking up to the BCCI like a nerdy kid fetching a sports jock’s kitbag.  It’s hard to disagree with them when you consider the litany of accommodations Bond made in his ICL contract in order to please both his international employer and the Indian Twenty20 upstart.

Without going into dull details, Bond gained contractual agreement that none of his ICL commitments would prevent him playing for his country; a situation that NZC were quite happy with a month ago.  They have now reneged on this due to the BCCI flexing its enormous muscles and throwing its giant toys out of the behemoth-like pram it resides in.  Who knows what the Indian board threatened their NZ equivalent with; either way it seems to have worked at the expense of Bond and every cricket fan who was looking forward to a decent series in March. [Image: Getty]

It just got a shit-load easier to beat New Zealand

The hysterical reaction to the Indian Cricket League has taken a further turn for the moronic today, with Shane Bond, the only truly world class Kiwi seamer (17 test, 79 wickets @ 22.39), being barred from playing for his country.

Bond had hoped to play in the ICL in-between his international commitments, but due the ICC's draconian and imbecilic rules reagarding the Twenty20 tournament New Zealand Cricket has had to cut off its nose, spite its face and drive a stake through its own competitive heart - all at the same time.

Bond, for his part, has made it clear that he still wants to play for his country, "I will continue to be available to play for New Zealand," he said, "and look forward to doing so once again when NZC deems this appropriate."

This is a truly ridiculous situation in which everybody seems to lose; apart from England's fragile top order, who will be dancing a joyful jig tonight; and the policy-makers at the ICC.  Tossers.

Cricket Snapshot: Vettori's other talent

No, not sending women weak at the knees with his librarian looks, batting on the way to walloping Bangladesh.  [Image: Getty]

Cricket Snapshot: Shimmering shot sir!

Brendon McCullum clobbers a slog sweep on the way to a 28-ball eighty in the Kiwi demolition of Bangladesh. [Image: Getty]

Cricket Snapshot: Billy no-mates

Jacob Oram cuts a lonely figure in practice.  Judging by where his front foot is I assume he's trying to iron out some no-ball trouble.  [Image: Getty]

Cricket Snapshot: Cricket in a faraway land

Keeley Todd of Auckland drives in his side's current match against Northern Districts.  [Image: Getty]

Video: SA vs NZ Twenty20 highlights

This game went right to the wire as South Africa and New Zealand both went for victory in the only Twenty20 of the current Kiwi tour.

Video: Lou Vincent loses his trousers

Yet still manages to field the ball.  Good work fella!

England's 2008 fixtures announced

For anyone that doesn't know, England will host New Zealand and South Africa next summer.  Here are the fixtures.  These, plus all the County fixtures for the 2008 season are here.

New Zealand
Thursday, May 15, 2008 - 1st Test; Lord's
Friday, May 23, 2008 - 2nd Test; Old Trafford
Thursday, June 05, 2008 - 3rd Test; Trent Bridge

More after the jump..

Friday, June 13, 2008 - Twenty20; Old Trafford
Sunday, June 15, 2008  - ODI; Riverside   
Wednesday, June 18, 2008 - ODI; Edgbaston
Saturday, June 21, 2008 - ODI; Bristol
Wednesday, June 25, 2008 - ODI; Brit Oval
Saturday, June 28, 2008 - ODI; Lord's

South Africa
Thursday, July 10, 2008 - 1st Test; Lord's
Friday, July 18, 2008 - 2nd Test; Headingley Carnegie
Wednesday, July 30, 2008 - 3rd Test; Edgbaston
Thursday, August 07, 2008 - 4th Test; Brit Oval
Wednesday, August 20, 2008 - Twenty20; Riverside
Friday, August 22, 2008 - ODI; Headingley Carnegie
Tuesday, August 26, 2008 - ODI; Trent Bridge
Friday, August 29, 2008 - ODI; Brit Oval
Sunday, August 31, 2008 - ODI; Lord's
Wednesday, September 03, 2008 - ODI; Cardiff

In Praise of... Jacques Kallis

Jacques Kallis can be easily stereotyped as a bull-necked, insular son of the Voortrekker, who is no "team man" and therefore played in teams that seldom won when it mattered. He has been accused, not least by the Trumpet, of playing in a bubble as a kind of latter-day Geoffrey Boycott, convinced that what the match situation needs is that which improves his batting average. Clearly stung by being left out of the Saffers' T20 squad, his reaction would say a lot about Kallis as a man.

We now have his answer. Pak vs SA First Test SA win, (Kallis 155, 1-21, 100*, 0-4); Second Test Drawn (Kallis 59, 1-7, 107*, 1-48). Pak vs SA ODI series SA win 2-3 (Kallis 8 and 2-47; 1-37and 0; 13 and 0-30; 1-15 and 6*; and 86 and 0-15). Back on home soil and in Test cricket vs New Zealand, Kallis shared a third wicket stand of 330 with Hashim Amla (both pictured right) in the First Test, a match in which the other 31 wickets mustered just 608 between them. It may just be that Kallis is taking on a mentoring role for Amla, whose talent is blossoming under his wing - now that would be quite something!

Having just turned 32, Kallis may be at his peak as a batsman: with over 9000 Test runs at nearly 58 already banked (to go with 219 wickets). What his stats might look like on retirement is anyone's guess, but we're probably safe in saying that an All-Time Great walks amongst us, and yet, we still doubt him. Funny old game...

[The Tooting Trumpet] [Image: Getty]

Performance of the Day - Sky Sports

There is more than one way in which Rupert Murdoch (right) cuts an unattractive figure, but, using that unattractive cliche, he does what it says on the tin. Sky subscribers could start their Thursday (as I did) watching Phil Jaques scrape around trying to find a run, before retiring to bed (The Trumpet, not the Aussie) only to wake and discover that Phil had his ton and the Aussies were (surprise, surprise) well placed at the end of Day One. What was Jayawardene thinking of with his insertion?

To the day's viewing, with Sky offering a red button choice between a nip and tuck first day's Test cricket between the evenly matched Saffers and Kiwis or a pyrotechnic India - Pakistan ODI cliffhanger in Mohali, eventually won by Younus Khan's class and Boom Boom Afridi's clout.

The only problem? I missed the lot. I was at work earning the money to be able to pay for the subscription!

[The Tooting Trumpet] [Image: Getty]

101 Weird Cricket Occurences, No 4: Umpire's trousers become sightscreen

We all know that Lasith Malinga is a tricky customer, but back in 2005 in the first Test match against New Zealand he was more tricky than usual, taking nine wickets. 

Stephen Fleming, however, felt the blame lay not in the bowler's performance or the failure of his top order, but in the trousers of the umpires.  Seriously.  Fleming claimed that due to Malinga's trademark low action, the ball was being lost in the dark trousers of umpires Bucknor and Hair; thus disadvantaging the batsmen.

The umps drew the line and stripping off their keks, but did agree to remove their dark ties.  Bucknor went one further by tying a white jumper around his waist as a sort of sight-apron for the distressed batsmen.  No matter, Malinga ended the drawn Test with figures of 9-210 and a man of the match award under his arm.  [Image: Getty]

ICC World Twenty20 - Hero of the day: Mahendra Dhoni

The first semi-final today, between Pakistan and New Zealand left me somewhat cold. It was neither thrilling nor fine cricket and my heart sank as I anticipated the second. The signs were that this could also be a stroll in the park - for Australia. But fortunately this was not the case. We were treated to an exciting contest, and one worthy of a world-class semi-final.

Although Yuvraj Singh - recovered from injury - returned the best figures of the day (70 off 30 balls, making that a total in two innings of 128 off just 46 balls), my hero is India's captain Mahendra Singh Dhoni. He led his team brilliantly, never losing control and leading by example. He is called a "no-fear" cricketer, and certainly showed that this evening.

Sree Santh particularly was in belligerent mode, and might pay for that after over-appealing when hoping to get Matthew Hayden out, but in general, the team played the mood appropriately and were fierce but fair.

A mention goes to Umar Gul for his three for 15 earlier in the day, helping Pakistan to their win and ensuring a Sub-Continent Final on Monday.

And in a note for Test Match Special - please don't try to compare old Australian cricketers to classic British actors again. Ian Chappelli as the new Leslie Phillips? That just doesn't work.

[Image: Getty] [mimitig]

ICC World Twenty20 - Hero of the day: Fernando

It's been a very difficult day as far as picking a Hero is concerned. Starting work late, I was able to follow the first few overs of the England innings and it looked as though it might be a knuckles fight for Hero between Jimmy Anderson and Daz Maddy. Such is the stuff of false dawns and strange dreams I discovered when I returned home. Daniel "The Librarian" Vettori put paid to England's hopes, and as I'm saving the bespectacled wonder for later, he can't be today's choice.

The second match of the day pitched the all-conquering (except against Zimbabwe) Australia against ever-entertaining Pakistan. This match was truly exciting and I was so so tempted to have Misbah as Hero. At 33 years-old and with a mere 12 Test appearances and what was described on Test Match Special as a "handful of ODIs" to his name, he was magnificent and was Man of the Match. Pakistan won. But I had him a few nights ago (as Hero). So all to play for in the final match of the day. Sri Lanka v Bangladesh.

Fireworks expected but it didn't quite light up as Sri Lanka won rather easily. But there will be a Winner Takes All match between Sri Lanka and Australia and my choice for today's Hero can only be Sri Lanka's very own Fernando who got Tamin Iqbal and the very dangerous Aftab Ahmed out cheaply.

If I can have official runners-up from other sporting disciplines, then tonight's are the Pipe and Drum Band at Murrayfield who did their job and sent chills up the spine of the opposition and inspired hope in all Scots. That match is still on-going and Ali Hogg has put new meaning into the name "Hoggster".

[Image: BBC] [mimitig]

Collingwood fined

Alerted by friends in low places, I kept an ear on the news tonight and heard that England captain, St Paul of Collingwood has been fined £1000 for his extra-curricular activities.

In an absolute shocking development that knocks the pedalo into a cocked hat, Collingwood and some friends were caught having fun in a lap-dancing club in South Africa. While I have no problem at all with chaps having a bit of relaxation, I find it unbelievable that suffering poor form on the field, the England captain would be so uncanny that one of England's red-tops could find him in controversial circumstances.

Had England won against New Zealand today, I doubt this story would have had legs. But they didn't and it does.

When will they learn?

[Image: Getty] [mimitig]

ICC World Twenty20: England lose again in suicide-inducing fashion

I would write a proper report here, but I would just be echoing everything I said after the South Africa game.  So I'll give you the abridged version:

England field, on top early, fail to press advantage, New Zealand reach decent but gettable score.

England bat, on top early, implode, lose by 5 runs, start packing for home.

Lee weeps, gnashes teeth, wonders what he has done to deserve this, throws himself out of window.

The End.  [Image: Getty]