The Googly

Cricket bat finally used for some good by the Australian public

After reporting that outside of the game in Australia, the cricket bat seems to have exclusively criminal uses, it's great to be able to report a good news story about the willow from the Antipodes.

A 14-year-old boy has used a cricket bat to fight off an alleged attempted abduction after he was grabbed by the arm while walking home from school.  The young lad from Petrie, Brisbane was attacked at 3:10pm by a bloke on a bike before executing a perfect cover-drive to the man's cranium and running off.  Good work fella!

His assailant was described being as 20 to 30 years old, with an athletic build, light brown hair with blond tips, clean-shaven, with two piercings in his right ear and a Kookaburra Blade Runner shaped dent in his head.

Kevin Pietersen - Get thee behind me satan Indian Premier League

Kevin Pietersen is once again stepping up his efforts to prove himself to be the most English person in the whole world by today stating that he is not interested in the Indian Premier League.  The former South African has said that no amount of money will tempt him away from the Three Lions of England.

"I love playing for England," the ball-clobberer said today, as a perfectly formed tear rolled down his cheek, "I love playing for the spectators. England has given me a fantastic opportunity to a fantastic life at the moment. So I'm fully committed 100% to playing for England, to winning games for England, to scoring thousands more runs for England. I love playing for England and there will be nothing that will lure me away from England just yet."

He then ripped off his shirt, climbed on the desk, sang Jerusalem then punched a foreigner - probably his dad. 

Is KP to be admired for this, or is he perhaps cynically hoping to win over the remaining few of the England public who believe he shouldn't be playing for the team?  Let me know what you think.

Why can't Marlon Samuels stick to any rules?

Marlon "Nice Boy" Samuels is obviously an extremely dedicated and diligent cricketer with a steely determination to achieve something that no other cricketer has managed.   Namely breaking every single rule in the entire game.

So far Marlon has broken curfews, been done for tipping bookies, and also ran out living legend Lara in his last ever international.  Continuing his sterling rule-busting form this week, the middle-order terror has been banned from bowling for chucking.

If he breaks one more rule he gets a free set of crystal glasses.

Steve Harmison gets a hatload of wickets, but Monty proves himself better - again

As is usual on their tours, England are getting a bit of thumping in a supposedly gentle warm-up match.  Steve Harmison, however, looks to be back to his best, taking 5-100 as the opposition were knocked over for 271. 

Of course, Steve's best also involves getting smashed for a few runs and his economy rate of 4.54 is not exactly Test class - not even ODI class frankly.

While Harmy is grabbing all the headlines for his five-fer, a more impressive and understated performance came from recently forgotten man Monty Panesar.  The Sikh of Tweak's figures of 11-2-27-2 show that his recent times in India with the England Badgers was not wasted.

New Zealand vs England in a park

The Trumpet is of the opinion that the best places to watch cricket are its citadels (Lord's, Eden Gardens, Newlands, the MCG) or its quaint outgrounds (Southport, with the trains chugging past at midwicket, Colwyn Bay, Horsham).

New Zealand is possibly unique in playing international cricket at quaint "outgrounds". One such is Seddon Park, venue for the First Test vs England. Named after New Zealand's nineteenth century Prime Minister, Richard Seddon (who, incredibly, rejoiced in the Animalhousean nickname "King Dick"), the ground is indeed a park, with picnickers likely to stroll behind the bowler's arm pursuing an errant hard boiled egg.

Park it may be, but it is a cricket ground and not a rugby ground, so we can expect a bit of life in the pitch and gully in the usual spot, not leaning on the boundary board. If England have anyone fit to bowl, we should be in for a treat.

[The Tooting Trumpet] [Image: Getty}

The Deadly Sin of Gluttony

Wikipedia speaks thus, "At the end of 2007, Bangladesh had played in 49 Tests, winning only once against a Zimbabwe team crippled by the exodus of its senior players. They have lost 43 of their matches, and 29 of these by an innings". 

The Trumpet is in a quandary. He wants the Bangla Boys to retain Test status as that's the only way they will get better at the Greatest Game (and their ODI and T20 performances show that the raw talent is available) but do scoreboards like the one on the right (from Chittagong, Second Test Bangladesh vs South Africa Day One) do anybody any good? And what about Test records? They don't really matter, but they are a guilty pleasure of every cricket lover and, from tomorrow, likely to show Graeme Smith and Neil McKenzie (yes, Neil McKenzie!) sitting atop the pile of greatest opening stands.

The Trumpet isn't sure what, but knows that "something" should be done.

[The Tooting Trumpet] [Image: Getty]   

The ICC Under-19 World Cup Update Four

That rather nervous young man, who looks just a little like Glenn McGrath, is New Zealand's Tim Southee. Just turned 19, he is a precocious talent whom New Zealand must be tempted to throw into the Test arena after his successful international bow in the T20 games vs England.

Even he wasn't able to carry New Zealand into the Final of the Under-19 World Cup, as India Duckworth-Lewised their way past the boys from the Land of the Long White Cloud to book their place for Sunday. They'll wait for the winners of the semi-final between The Trumpet's favourites, Pakistan and the Parnell-led Saffers. We'll keep you in the loop at The Googly over the weekend.

Elsewhere in Malaysia, England's boys play-off for fifth place on Saturday. That wouldn't usually matter, except that the opponents are, you've guessed it, Australia.

[The Tooting Trumpet] [Image: Getty]

Matthew Hayden Invitational XI

Our picture shows Matthew Hayden proudly holding his trophy as winner of the "Andrew Symonds' Best Friend Competition 2007." (Lee - can you check if I have this right?)

Hayden is known for many things (LBW b Hoggard for example) including his oft-stated religious beliefs. As Wikipedia tells us, "Hayden is a devout Roman Catholic and says "When I’m in trouble, I ask: ‘What would Christ do?'" That's Christ not Gilchrist - everyone knows that Gilly would try to hit every ball out of the ground.

So, with due acknowledgement, since other religions are available, join the Trumpet over the jump as we build the Matthew Hayden Invitational XI.

Captain - JC himself. He (that's He) would keep wicket, gathering deliveries the way he gathers souls, and bat at seven, offering redemption to sinning specialist bats with momentum turning knocks rooted in muscular Christianity. Not unlike his near-namesake Gilchrist - though Adam is more saintly.

Coach - John the Baptist. Useful adviser, though clearly deferring the Captain. Might change cap awarding ceremonies to something wetter.

Number 1 - St Matthew. Hard-hitting left-hander and sledger-in-chief from slip. Can be relied to tell the Gospel-Truth to match referees.

Number 2 - St Andrew. Current in run of bad form due to fishing (outside off stump).

Number 3 - St Thomas. Appears class, but inability to dominate leads to doubts about his place. Cherubic looks don't help his cause.

Number 8 - St Peter. Burly, bowls a heavy ball at first change, averages 23.5 in ODIs but at a strike rate of 103. Refused to tour three times before finding favour with the Captain.

Physio - Mary Magdelene. Sorts out bowlers' feet after a long day in the field.

The Press - Pontius Pilate. They'll crucify England if they lose to New Zealand.

Banned for taking 30 pieces of silver from the ICL - Judas Ischariot.

Can Googlyers add to the XI?

[The Tooting Trumpet] [Image: Getty]

It's going to cost Lord's £200m to keep it's two Tests a year

We all have our opinions about the monopoly that Lord's has on two money-spinning home Tests every year, but one thing that everyone agrees on is that the Home of Cricket is a fantastic sporting venue.

MCC are now setting about making it even better by spending £200m on development of the ground.  The improvements will include: 10,000 more seats, retractable (to keep the locals happy) floodlights, a new cricket academy, plus a luxury hotel. 

One thing you can never accuse Lord's of is being complacent.  They spent a fortune recently on the world's most miraculous drainage system and credit to them for coming out fighting in the wake of Cardiff and the Rose Bowl coming online as full Test venues in 2009. 

Cricket Australia don't like it that Matthew Hayden doesn't like Harbhajan Singh

Will this ever end?  After the intervew given to a Brisbane radio station yesterday, in which the stove-bothering opener said some not very nice things about the perpetual annoyance that is Harbhajan Singh, Cricket Australia have charged Hayden with "the public denigration of other players".

Interestingly, this suggests that Cricket Australia does not see denigration on the field of play to be "public", which is a little strange.  Is the oval not the most public of all parts of a cricketer's life (Ian Botham excepted)?  Players call each other rotten all day out there and yet I have never heard the Australian governing body rushing to punish them in that context.

What a strange game this is most of the time.