The Googly

Hallowe'en Top 10: Frightening cricketers

Grip your pillows tightly in clammy hands, go pale, inhale sharply and gasp in terror as you cast your eyes on 10 of the scariest men to play cricket.

1.  Merv Hughes
With a 'tache as ridiculous as his gut was large, Mervyn cut an imposing figure on the field.  Could stop a clock from 18 yards with one of his legendary stares.

2.  Sylvester Clarke
A Windies fast bowler at the time when they had greats of the game in their starting XI, Clarke did not play many tests (11). But he was fearsome man, as many who faced him in his Surrey pomp in the 80s will testify.  Bounced with more regularity than Zebedee on a trampoline, and with great nastiness.  Was not averse to lobbing the odd brick into the crowd either.

3.  Curtly Ambrose
Said little, but his stare combined with that terrifying run up put paid to most bats before he even release the ball at a frighteningly fast pace.  A batsman once asked him to remove his famous white wristbands, and nearly died as a result.

4.  Dennis Lillee
Looked like a pornstar, bowled like a cannon.  A pornstar cricket cannon.  Intimidated opponents, used metal bats and even had rows with his own captain on occasion.

5.  Gary Pratt
A short willowy man, so terrifying in the in-field that an Aussie captain was mesmerised by his cat-like moves.  And then had a massive strop about it.

6.  Martin McCague
Not so much scary in himself, but terrifying in what he represents: the willingness that England had for a time to select anyone Australian who fancied playing for them - no matter how obviously rubbish they were.  (see also: White, Craig)

7.  Roy Gilchrist
There are many words to describe West Indian Gilchrist, but "unhinged" is probably the most apt.  Gilchrist had a litany of on-field incidents: deliberately overstepping his mark and bowling beamers from 18 yards; knocking India's Kripal Singh's turban off with an overstepped bouncer; and uprooting a stump in a Lancashire League match to wallop an opponent with it being but a few.

8.  Sree Santh
Looks like a computer science student, but it's the geeky ones you have to watch sometimes.  Beamers, arguments, verbals - this fella does it all.  Even managed to get involved in a load of aggro when 12th man in the recent Australia series.

9.  Shahid Afridi
Boom!  Boom! Afridi can dismantle most teams with bat and ball.  But it's his manic smile and the fact that he is from the mountains that gets him on this list.  The cricket version of a Star Wars Tusken Raider

10.  Matthew Hayden
Dismantles attacks with his nuclear opening style. But the truly scary thing about Matt is that he could then show you how to do a canard pot au feu with green vegetables before drinking 12 beers and throwing his leg behind his head.

Cricket Snapshot: India in high company

MS Dhoni, with a spiffing new haircut, introduces the Twenty20 winning team to India's prime minister Dr Manmohan Singh. [Image: Getty]

Video: Stuart MacGill at his very best

Shane Warne has today thrown his not inconsiderable weight behind the campaign for Stuey to be the spinner for the forthcoming test vs Sri Lanka at The Gabba. Here is a reminder of why, as his 12/107 dismantles England at the SCG in 1998/99.  Check out the wrong 'un that does for Alex Tudor, astounding.

The Thunder Downunder: The Walrus and the Vegan

Liverpool's most famous non-cricketing export once melodiously mused from across the Atlantic, "Life is what happens to you while you're busy making other plans". It is a phrase that has struck a chord at the Shed every day this past week. Peg, her hair in rollers under a nylon floral scarf, is convinced that Yoko is to blame.

Since returning back to the valley where the crayfish are free and the apples are plenty, much discussion  - and with each beer thirstily consumed - increasing speculation has centred on the recent homogenisation of Australian pitches. Once upon a time in a not so distant past, each major arena in each individual state had a different type of surface. Davo and I have spoken at length about this interesting and endangered phenonema and it was my intention to share what was gleaned with our delightful and outspoken readers.

Alas, as I began planning the research for this topic that encompasses history, geography, pedology, climatology, entomology, ecology, sociology, pathology, botany, geology, hydrology, philosophy, politics, horticulture and naturally, many cricketing assumptions, Davo's feral sister Nikki arrived unheralded, unwashed and uninvited and has caused chaos from the moment she began squatting in the Shed.

I won't waste any space on this wretched confused creature except to say that she identifies as vegan and delights in attempting to make others feel guilty by the presence of her assumed superiority. You all know the type. Suffice to say that the rest of us have been heartily enjoying bacon and eggs for breakfast, lobster and chicken for lunch and thick, juicy under-done steaks for dinner. 

Unfortunately much of this week has been spent dealing with the troubles Nikki has created and no time could be found to investigate and communicate the implications and likely scenarios of all Australian pitches being alike. Perhaps next week, perhaps never. Life is too unpredictable.

I would have also enjoyed conveying some snippets of wisdom from John Buchanan's excellent, intelligent and wonderfully written new book. Especially his thoughts on the T20 format but that too will have to wait. If you are impatient buy it, you won't be disappointed it is a contempary cricketing classic. 

Hopefully in the coming week's contributions we can all discuss;
    - the changing nature of Australian cricket due to terminal drought
    - a controversial suggestion that T20 should be a fifteen man game with unlimited rotations
    - the problems apparent in the entire Australian team - BIg Stu excepted - exclusively playing limited overs cricket for 10 months
    - the exodus of Australian coaches with associated assistants and the benefits and risks of Australians being in charge of all Test playing nations except England, India and South Africa.

It has occurred that another unseen misfortune may intervene between now and when next we meet folks, so if you have any thoughts about any of the aforementioned cricketing conundrums or advice on how to dispose of an unwanted intransient vegan parvenu, please leave a comment.

Musings on the latter are most urgent, so don't delay and while you go about your business give a thought to what an orgiastically sated and outrageously stoned Scouser chanted whilst content and contained in a  hessian bag on honeymoon in Amsterdam many moons ago, Give Peace A Chance. We are trying valiantly at the Shed and I can assure you it is tiresome, even for 4 days, living peacefully with a flighty flaky frosty fundamentalist feminist food fascist .

[Nesta Quin]

The rights and wrongs of righting wrongs

Jason McAteer, footballer for Liverpool and the Republic of Ireland (amongst others) is hardly a noted thinker, but is remembered for an altercation with Roy Keane in 2002. After words were exchanged, McAteer mimed writing in a book. That one gesture captured the impact of the vast market in sports books on the old cliche that "what goes on the pitch, stays on the pitch".

Cricket has a proud literary tradition, but it seems Duncan Fletcher's book, "Behind the Shades" is unlikely to add to it. If you can bear it, read extracts at the Daily Mail about Flintoff and, disgracefully, about Trescothick.

I have many questions about this tawdry stuff, but I'll ask Googlyers two. Would you ever confide anything in a coach (or, by extension, a manager) knowing that it is all to be written up for profit later? Is any of the vast profits from this enterprise going to causes to help problem drinking, depression or grassroots cricket?

[The Tooting Trumpet] [Image: Getty]

No crowd hassle for Murali so far

There was much talk about Muralitharan getting a serious amount of stick on the tour of Oz, but he has so far suffered little at the hands of the Aussie crowds at the President's XI match. 

Most informed commentators will tell you that this is more to do with the lack of spectators (as you can see, right) than any sea-change in Australian opinion regarding his action.

The real test of the reasonableness of the crowds will be when the big games kick in in the next few weeks, with most predicting that he's in for a filthy time. [Image: Getty]

Video: Pura Cup round two highlights

More action from Downunder, this week featuring a blistering 300 from Simon Katich.

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Video: Why Pakistan want Shoaib back

Lest we forget, amidst all the controversy Shoaib Akhtar is a bloody good bowler...

Shoaib Akhtar returns for the 157th time

Pakistan seem to be hell bent on not learning with Shoaib. The man who has been banned more times than a punch-happy bloke from his local pub, for reasons as diverse as taking drugs to whacking his team-mates with a bat, is coming back.

The decider in the five-match one-day series against SA is upon them and, at the first sign of pressure and stress, the selectors have behaved like a dieting fat person going back to the biscuit tin:  they know they shouldn't do it; they know they will feel grubby and weak afterwards; but the short-term comfort it brings is too much to resist.

It proves the rule that any player at any level of any sport knows: if you are very talented then you can behave however you want and still be selected in the big cup game or league decider.  C'est la vie sportif! [Images: Getty]

The Thunder Downunder: A New Era Begins

January 4, 2007, the fourth day of the fifth Ashes Test, has become one of the most bittersweet days remembered in recent Australian cricket history. Before lunch, Ricky Ponting and his men secured a perfect 5-nil series scoreline winning not only The Ashes but also immortality writing their names alongside Warwick Armstrong's legendary 1920/21 team.

Although both team's defeated their opponents in emphatic fashion the original achievement has always been overshadowed by the folly and waste of continental war that ended less than three years previous. It is a morbid reality that England sacrificed many of their finest men during World War I and were consequently seriously undermanned and unprepared for their first Test series after an eight year absence from the international arena. Truth be told, a complete shellacking was expected.

The same cannot be said for the 2006/07 series and in due course the Australian team that regained the Ashes after the narrow shock loss in 2005 will be remembered as one of the Baggygreen's best ever collectives. It was a day and an event to saviour. It was also a time for reminiscing, recollection and recognition. It was the day that three of Australia's greatest modern warriors retired from the international arena. It was truly, the end of an era.   

In a near perfect finale, Glenn McGrath (124 Tests) and Shane Warne (145 Tests) both took wickets from their last deliveries in Test cricket and Justin Langer (105 Tests) finished the match not out with Matthew Hayden as the most successful opening partnership in Australian history scored the 42 runs needed to secure the sweetest of crushing victories.

That historic and emotional match was the last time Australia contested a Test and early next week the Australian selectors will announce the men chosen to replace the experienced triumvirate.

Warne was peerless and unarguably unique. His natural successor, Stuart Macgill, a proven matchwinner with 198 Test scalps, is no certainty of selection due in part to his recent knee surgery and overwhelmingly because of his abrasive persona.

Macgill was given an opportunity to display leadership and maturity on the Australia 'A' tour of Pakistan in September but failed miserably by abusing umpires and opposing batsman on several occasions. There were unconfirmed reports of other disrespectful indescretions and on return to Australia he was duly summoned to Cricket Australia headquarters for a stern discussion about his future.

It is not unusual for a player to be effectively banned from selection for an attitude outside the norm in Australian cricket. Dean Jones, Michael Bevan and Greg Matthews are three examples of players at the top of their game who have been subjected to the administrator's wrath because of their inability to gel with team-mates. Unfortunately, Stuart falls into the same category yet I expect him to be selected. He deserves his chance regardless of his natural surliness and the other options Brad Hogg, Dan Cullen and Cullen Bailey are yet to consistently impress at Test level. One thing is certain, there will be a spinner in the selected twelve despite Australia's abundant fast bowling stocks.

Glenn McGrath was effectively replaced before he retired by the equally metronomic Stu Clark. Not suggesting that Stu is as good as Glenn but he has proven himself good enough to consistently excel at international level. Clark is from the same grade club as McGrath and has been playing second fiddle since his elite cricket career began a decade ago. Freed from the great man's long shadow it will not be surprising to see Big Stu emerge as the new general of Australia's fast bowling brigade. 

The beginning of a new era is always an exciting time. With a fit Brett Lee and Stu Clark certain to play, the Australian selectors will in all likelihood select Mitchell Johnson and Shaun Tait to accompany them in the twelve. This will give Ponting the option of playing four quicks against the Sri Lankans. This is an alternative he is likely to consider as the Lankans have never coped with the fast bouncy nature of Australian pitches. In fact, Sri Lanka are yet to win a Test in Australia and have lost every series contested by considerable margins.

Ponting, like every other cricket lover on the continent, is seduced by the imagined violent razzle-dazzle that Tait and Lee bowling in partnership would produce. It is something that we are all anxious to witness but only at the expense of the spinner for Mitchell Johnson wholeheartedly deserves to debut at his home ground in front of his family and community. It is the next natural step on Johnno's ascendency to cricketing greatness and I'm confident that the selectors will oblige.

Langer's replacement will be Phil Jaques who scored a blistering 167 against Western Australia last weekend. He is the obvious successor after scoring thousands of runs over the last four seasons and it will be interesting to see how the new opening partnership develops.

Langer's obstinancy was a perfect foil to Hayden's belligerence and their record is unmatched in Australian cricket history. Like Hayden, Jaques likes to go after the bowling from ball one and with two similar players opening it may take a few matches to work out a successful strategy that suits both batsman. The Thunder suggests that Hayden will play well within himself early on and allow the younger Jaques to settle and play his natural game.

There is enormous pressure on Jaques to succeed and if he doesn't make a significant contribution by Boxing Day his place in the team will be under severe pressure. The ruthless and uber-competitive nature of Australian cricket has little patience for failure and the next few months will be the most important in Phil Jaques professional cricket career. All of us at the Shed wish him well and hope that he can solidify his place and continue to score in the Baggygreen for the next decade.

Sri Lanka are in for a tough series with many in the Australian team keen to impress. An end of an era heralds the beginning of a new one and invariably it is accompanied by turmoil and change. The national team will be playing a record number of Tests in the next 18 months with the expectation of having an experienced and well-drilled squad primed for the 2009 Ashes. Generational change is always difficult in a sporting context and an interesting and hopefully entertaining summer and beyond awaits. 

The Thunder's dozen for the First Test.

Hayden
Jaques
Ponting
Hussey
Clarke
Symonds
Gilchrist
Lee
Clark
Johnson
Macgill
Tait

[Nesta Quin] [Image: Getty]