Hired or Fired! With Sir Alan Sugar

'Allo!  Your favourite new-eyed and repressively morose TV personality and master business beard Sir Alan here once again.  I've spent most of this week looking at my collection of cars and thinking of new yiddish words to use on the telly, but that doesn't mean I haven't had time to size up the cricket.  Here goes...

HIRED!
Adil Rashid - Like me as a young man, this lad is talented and has determination.  Unlike me, he will be a cricketer of note rather than a humourless purveyor of comedy-level bad electronic products

Bangladesh - Unlike whoever wins The Apprentice, these young lads are actually ones to keep an eye on for the future

Darren Gough - I don't like bullshitters, and I don't like timewasters, in fact there's very little I do like,  But I do like the Dazzler.

FIRED!
West Indies Cricket Board - As sure as I've got an 'ole in my arse, one game's preparation for a test series is nowhere near enough

Steve Harmison - You owe us sunbeam, so I'd advise you to shut it!

Virender Sehwag - You've been failing task after task recently sonny, and I won't stand for it.