Cricket World Cup, Super 8: Shoddy England beat Ireland

England grabbed the expected win in their first Super 8 match but were about as convincing as Clive Lloyd in a Peter Such look-a-like competition.

Having won the toss, Michael Vaughan opted to bat and Ed Joyce fell very early to a Boyd Rankin ball he decided to leave that then jagged back and removed his off-bail; so not only is Joyce unable to hit the ball very hard or with any conviction, he has now forgotten where his stumps are.  Vaughan then spent a little while probing at a few more balls like a teenage boy at a girl's buttons before he weakly fended a ball to the wicketkeeper, which at least put himself and everyone out of their misery.  Special mention though goes to "Lightning" Ian Bell whose 31 runs from an anus-clenchingly boring 74 balls ploughed as yet uncharted depths of tedium.  The average strike rate of the opening 3 bats was a feeble 35, which against a team of Ireland's calibre is frankly a disgrace.

England then fell back on the old reliables of Pietersen (48) and Collingwood (90), two players who actually look they know how to play one-day cricket, with some able assistance from the pedalo-maithering Flintoff (43).  They finished on a woeful 266-7, a score that was as mediocre as their performance deserved.   Credit to Ireland as their bowling was disciplined, but it was no better than what the England would face week in week out in county cricket and be expected to deal with appropriately.

The total may have been disappointing, but it was still going to be too high for Ireland as their 218 all out demonstrated.  England however still toiled, and just as the batting was propped up by the class of KP and Colly, the bowling was notable for the performances of England's two class bowlers: Flintoff and Panesar.  Panesar was particularly special, with figures of 10-1-31-2.

A disappointing performance by England in a match that was harder on the eye than Beth Ditto.  Neither of these teams will go through, and no-one will care.  [lee calvert]